Not much time had passed when Elidi woke from her short doze. Faint moonlight still trickled in through the window, so the tension that had formed when she realized she'd been sleeping eased from her body as quickly as it came. She wasn't late. The rest of her legion was scheduled to depart for Parnassus at dawn, and she had to have them ready to go before that time. One wing extended out over the side of the bed, stretching out its stiffness as she turned her head to look at the man asleep by her side.

"How different Cassius looks while sleeping," she thought as her tired, copper-hued eyes roved over his face. The lines of tension had eased while he slept and he looked... at peace. She was always surprised by how human he looked when the cold walls and arrogance were gone. For a long moment, she simply watched him sleep... watched his face. Watched the subtle rise and fall of his chest. Watched the movement behind his eyelids as he dreamed. It troubled her a bit, the way she felt while watching him. The skin of her palm wanted to gently touch his cheek, but such a touch might wake him. And then that coldness would return. He would cloak himself in his habitual armor and what she wanted to touch would be gone.

Or would it?

In the hours after the impromptu war meeting that had followed the interruption of the party, they'd made love. Elidi had allowed her anger toward Cassius to be put aside and, for a change, she had felt something for him again. His eyes as he looked at her told her that he feared for her. As much as she wanted to deny it, Elidi knew he loved her when she saw that... and so they'd twined their bodies in bittersweet good-bye into the wee hours of the morning.

But now she had to climb from his bed and don her armor for her departure. Gently, she slipped away, cautiously pulling one wing from where it was half-trapped beneath his arm. The movement stirred him and Cassius woke just enough to realize she was moving away from him. Instinctively, her husband reached toward her and mumbled something indistinct, his silvered hair tousling more with the brush of his head against the pillow. Slightly smiling, Elidi leaned down to brush a kiss against his forehead. "Shh," she said. "I merely go to relieve myself. I shall return." That seemed placating enough, for he stilled and grew quiet once more as she eased back with a soft creak of the mattress. Sliding her naked form from the bed, Elidi shook out her wings and padded toward Cassius' private bath on bare feet.

After a brief bath, Elidi plaited her hair and returned to the bedroom to retrieve her discarded chimere. She began to turn toward the door, thoughts of last minute things-to-do filling her mind, when she caught sight of Cassius' desk. The parchments there, neatly arranged in flat stacks or rolled into scrolls, gave her pause... and the germination of an idea. It would be so much easier to write a good-bye to him than to wake him and possibly ruin the warmth she still felt from her last few hours with him. She glanced toward her husband. In his sleep, he'd turned to drape his arm over her abandoned pillow and a lock of silvery hair had fallen forward over his brow. No, she couldn't wake him. The picture of his face while he slept would be a memory far preferable to what she might see were he to wake.

Carefully and quietly, she pulled out the low-backed chair at his desk and seated herself upon it before drawing a clean parchment closer. Uncorking Cassius' ink bottle, Elidi then cast about for his pen, and she frowned when it wasn't readily at hand. Lifting the carefully stacked papers, she pulled the edge of the quill pen from beneath them, canting the stack sideways a bit in doing so. She dipped the pen in the ink and considered the blank parchment in front of her as she gathered her thoughts.

"Cassius," she thought as she wrote, "had a month ago someone told me that I could even consider the possibility of forgiving you, I would have disbelieved it. But... now I am not so sure. I am now convinced that you do love me in your own way. I have seen it in your eyes and felt it in your touch. If only you could keep the warmth I sometimes see in you. Arianna needs it. You need to speak with her, Cassius. You need to help her heal and you need to heal as well. Be the sort of father to her that my father is for me." She paused to lift her pen toward the inkwell, and in doing so her gaze fell upon one of the dislodged parchments that she'd moved to retrieve the pen. Her name could be seen amongst the writing upon it and, intrigued, she put the pen down and reached for the stack of papers.

It took only a heartbeat to sort through the stack to the one she sought and one eyebrow edged upward as she looked over what she'd found. The handwriting was most definitely that of Cassius, and this is what it said:

October 26, 3903

We are at war.

At long last, the Aegis has declared war on the Varati, and our centuries-old struggle begins anew. Peace was not to be had--not for long. Our races are too different. The Atlanteans, at least, are civilized--they hold an appreciation for art and beauty to match our own. Perhaps it explains the closer ties we have enjoyed in the past. And the Sylvans were never a threat to us--unschooled savages that they are. It is the Varati alone that cause us so much trouble. That deified halfbreed they call a king makes them arrogant and bold--they actually believe that he will lead them to glory one day, and usurp our place in the heavens. I would laugh at the notion, were they not so intent in their goal.

I have seen skirmishes between our races, but none so large-scale as this. I have read numerous accounts of battles throughout history; from the dark days of the civil war that split the Empyre, to the mage-wars that nearly tore Delphi asunder. I have witnessed fighting firsthand; I was present during the battle that sparked this whole war, and I smelled blood and smoke and death, and heard the groans of the dying.

It never moved me, until now. Is this guilt, or regret, that I feel? I had a hand in the Aegis' decision. I voted for this outcome myself, and persuaded other noble Houses to follow suit. At the time, my choice seemed clear. We had been grievously wronged by the Varati. They nearly killed our Princeps, and kidnaped my cousin. They have become steadily more insolent, and it seemed obvious that we stamp that insolence down before it grew out of hand. And I suppose my anger was a factor, as well--I never did forget the blow I received from that arrogant Envoy of the Khalid's.

But now... the war is hitting closer to home. Elidi will be fighting.

I tried to make sure that she was assigned to a section less likely to see battle. The map of Parnassus that she discovered hinted at Varati activity, but as yet, there have been no signs of them there. The first engagement will probably be at Stygios. I wanted her as far away from there as possible. I don't want to lose her.

There, I have written it--admitted it. Why is that so difficult? Because it means opening myself up again? Because I know she does not love me, and will probably never forgive me? Why does it matter? Why do I care?

Damn her. I was safe before I met her. Safe in my work, safe in the staid monotony of my life, and safe behind the walls I put up to keep everyone at arm's length. Even my own family. Maybe if I'd tried, long ago, I could have nurtured a closer relationship with my brother. Or Tiberius... he is not so different from myself, though he hides behind biting sarcasm rather than ice, as I do. But I see too much of my father in him. And my own helplessness at remedying his disease gnaws at me--I wonder, sometimes, if he blames me for that.

Even Arianna is not close to me anymore. Not since that whole wretched fiasco with Raziel of Thanatos. The man was insane; there is no other explanation. He seduced my daughter and convinced her to elope with him, though I was able to have their marriage annulled, at least. She has not forgiven me for that. But I would not have my daughter tied to that crumbling excuse for a House--nor to that madman they called a patriarch. If he were not already dead, I would strangle the sorry wretch myself.

And so, there are the facts. I am disliked by my own flesh and blood, and though they may have good reason, it does not change anything. Everything I have done, I have done for a reason. Every choice I ever made was justified. There are few decisions I would ever alter, had I the opportunity.

But that changed when I met Elidi. I have come to regret the things I have done... the choices I have made, if only because her hatred for me would be complete if she ever unearthed my secrets. She awakened a conscience I thought long gone. And more, she destroyed my caution. I did not stop to think and weigh the advantages and disadvantages of each situation; I merely acted. On impulse. On a whim. I wanted her, and I never stopped to think about how my passion could ruin both our lives.

Is that self-pity? Perhaps. It was easier when I never cared about anything. I had nothing to lose. Nothing touched me. The only emotions I ever harbored were anger or cynicism, and I had long ago reconciled myself to that.

But now I want more. And I do not think the gods will give me a second chance.

Nor will she. The servants told me of Dante's visit. To think that he was in this House--all but in her very room. The room I made for her. The thought sickens me, even though I foolishly gave her permission to continue to see him.

But that choice will soon be out of her hands. The Thirteenth Velite unit, under Dante's command, will be fighting at Stygios. It is unlikely that very many of them will make it out alive. The darkling will have to be a superb fighter indeed, if he is going to survive that battle. And if he does not....

If he does not, perhaps then Elidi's heart will find room for me, somewhere inside it.

* * * * *

He hadn't signed it, but that made no difference to Elidi. She knew that meticulous, efficient script by now. Perhaps he'd not been finished, but it did not matter now. She'd seen it. Cassius' words touched her in many ways as her eyes scanned down the page, but... it was the ending that affected her most. Dante was in danger. Dante was in Stygios and Cassius knew there would be danger there. Selfish, manipulative Cassius had most likely arranged for Dante to go there.

Elidi simply sat there in the chair for a long moment, her head bending as she released a breath like a sigh and felt wetness prick her eyes. Even now, she felt pity for her husband. He wanted so badly to love and he just didn't know how. She'd thought she might be able to teach him, but....

Reaching for her pen, Elidi drew a light 'X' over what she'd already written and, dipping the tip in the inkwell once more, penned beneath the note she'd started:

Cassius,

I saw this. I thought I might be able to teach you how to love in the long run, but I no longer know if it is worth the effort. Dear gods, Cassius, did you send him to Stygios yourself? Did you think I'd break my vows to you if he went to Parnassus? Do you think so little of me and my word?

Dante's Velites are some of the most well-trained in the Empyre. With them at my back at Parnassus, I would have felt far more secure. But since they are in Stygios... who knows? Dante might not be the only one to fall in battle. And if he does fall? If he perishes while fighting with his unit?

Expect to hear the same news about me.

~ Elidi

Placing the pen down, Elidi quietly rose from the chair at Cassius' desk and made her way silently to the door. For a small instant, she turned and looked upon the sleeping form of her husband with a guarded, grim expression, but then she stepped out of his chambers and went to her own, and dressed for the departure to Parnassus.

FIN  

[ Home | News | Staff | Players | Links | Gallery | Logs | Library | Updates | Mail ]
[ Connect to the Game ]